Column: Stanford IT's Elimination of Harmful Language Initiative is, what can I say — literally?

I mourn the death of the word "retarded" for a number of social and lexiconic reasons that have nothing to do with actual retardation, as it was understood 50 years ago. Considering today's penchant for turning adjectives and verbs into nouns (the big reveal!) perhaps little kids were ahead of their time in the 1960s when they hammered retardation into "retard" — long e, accent on the first syllable — and hurled it at any perceived foe. It was the go-to word on the playground, particularly when someone was getting the better of you and you couldn't think of any more sophisticated argument: "Aw Mikey, you REE-tard." Even when I was small, I had some vague understanding that the bastardization and mispronunciation meant that the child who employed the epithet ree-tard was, ironically, lower down on the intelligence food chain than the person at whom the insult was directed. But the word had to go, because "retarded" came to be associated with, well, retarded. It's curious to me that "retarded" made the now-infamous list of 150 words and terms that Stanford University IT Department's Elimination of Harmful Language Initiative deemed too terrible for modern sensibilities. I can't even remember the last time I heard "retarded" used in general conversation, so thoroughly whipped into submission had it been by the language police decades ago. Unfortunately, while the name may change, the condition remains the same, so there's no way out of the box. Today we say, "can you believe we used to call people 'retarded?'" Tomorrow we'll say, "Can you believe we used to call people 'challenged?'" Besides, we have more important things to worry about now, like, per Stanford IT, getting people to stop saying "addict" instead of the preferred "people who are addicted." Nor are we supposed to say "crazy" anymore. Instead, try "surprising" or "wild." And here I was about to say that the Elimination of Harmful Language Initiative is a crazy idea. Pardon my insolence. We are not to say "tone deaf," we are to say "unenlightened." Great, except I would rather be called tone deaf than unenlightened. Tone deaf implies something beyond your control; unenlightened drifts more toward a conscious decision to be dumb. Wait, is "dumb" on the list? Of course it is. The good news is that Stanford is silent on "dillweed" and "fat toad," so those fearful of a great national insult shortage can take a breath. Stanford IT rejects "balls to the wall," on the basis of sexism. Never mind that the term refers to the knobs on an aircraft throttle that, pushed all the way forward to the firewall, represented maximum power. The techies might argue that the connotation has changed in time. But it can't logically do that, because it also nixes "basket case" on the grounds that, long ago, people lacking arms and legs were carried around in baskets. So we've conquered baskets but not wheelchairs, although Stanford isn't too happy about them, either. "Wheelchair bound" and "confined to a wheelchair" are out, which I kind of get because a lot of wheelchair warriors seem to get around better than academics who are computer bound. But hold on, words can be insensitive not only because they are too disrespectful, but because they are not respectful enough. "Guru" is verboten because it trivializes the standing of a real guru. Maybe if you call someone a ree-tard guru it will average out. Pat Benatar is out of luck because "hit me with your best shot" et al. "represent the unnecessary use of the imagery of hurting someone or something." Don't prostitute yourself, because this "unnecessarily correlates corrupt or unworthy purposes with sex work." And don't "submit" either, because "the term can imply allowing others to have power over you." What, you mean like an elite university department trying to tell you what you are and are not allowed to say? Wouldn't want that. — Tim Rowland is a columnist for Herald-Mail, a columnist and staff writer for Sun Community News, and a New York Times bestselling author. His books include High Peaks; A History of Hiking the Adirondacks from Noah to Neoprene and Strange and Unusual Stories of New York City.

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Column: Stanford IT's Elimination of Harmful Language Initiative is, what can I say — literally?

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