Column: Twitter, crypto, Trump, Democrats, Taylor Swift, Ticketmaster: What have we learned?

So what have we learned this month? Elon Musk is not a business genius. Sam Bankman-Fried is not a financial genius. Donald Trump is not a political genius. I feel gratified that no one has ever called me a genius. Genius is the new kiss of death. If someone calls you a genius, punch them in the face. Thank heaven we have the Webb telescope, the one thing lately that shows American brilliance is not entirely dead. But then even it gets dinged by a meteor. Sheesh. God must be out to get us. Elon Musk tried to laugh it off. How do you create an $8 billion business? Start with a $44 billion business. And that's pennies compared with the degree to which his reputation has been devalued. His storyline goes from technological wizard to the cat who buys up other people's good work and claims credit. You bust through the swinging doors at the saloon threatening to lick any man in the room and 10 minutes later, you literally have to call somebody you've just fired and ask him where he kept the key to the front door. Yeah, maybe as a savvy businessman you have to tear down before you can build back up. But I know this: I'm not flying into space on any rocketship built by a fellow whose motto seems to be, "If you want to make an omelet you have to break some eggs." But did Musk win the award for losing the most billions of dollars last month? No! Not even close. That prize goes to Sam Bankman-Fried, who also won the annual "Whose hair looks most like Don Henley of The Eagles" competition. SBF made $32 billion in crypto go "poof" when the hedge-fund arm of his company bet it all on typewriter futures and Sarah Palin. Pity Palin didn't win, because I would have enjoyed watching her compete with Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene for the title of Queen Bee of Bizzaro World. Momma Grizzly in Congress would have been like Tom Brady coming out of retirement to show all the young punks she still has it: "Oh, you think that's stupid? Hold my beer." (Beer, which, in another brilliant decision by the mega-wealthy, will not be sold at the World Cup. You're going to make people watch soccer without drinking heavily? Really? They're going to find out how boring that sport really is.) And those in a retro mood had to be thrilled with another run by Donald Trump — campaign slogan: "I'll Get All You Scumbags." We have that to look forward to, along with a GOP-led House of Representatives. Voters had had it with Democrats and their never-ending investigations, so the first thing the GOP does is announce, wait for it, more investigations. Maybe they think the key to lowering inflation is somewhere on Hunter Biden's laptop. Democrats, meanwhile, are partying like it's 1936, slapping each other on the back and throwing confetti — and they lost. They just weren't quite as putrid as everyone thought they would be. Where's Herm Edwards when you need him? We play. To win. The game. So forget lowering gas prices, forget lowering inflation, we will be treated to the Inspector Clouseau Congress of 2023. Republicans will investigate Hunter, they will investigate Joe, they will investigate the Justice Department, they will investigate Afghanistan, which was a highly complex overseas military and humanitarian operation, organized by TicketMaster. And if we're talking failures, you have to add them to the heap. You would think that someone with "ticket" in their name would be like, you know, good with tickets. They had one job. TicketMaster. Not CurecancerMaster, Ticketmaster. So if you're a Democratic soccer and Taylor Swift fan who has all your savings in crypto and spends your free time doom scrolling on Twitter? Sorry. — Tim Rowland is a columnist for Herald-Mail, a columnist and staff writer for Sun Community News, and a New York Times bestselling author. His books include "High Peaks; A History of Hiking the Adirondacks from Noah to Neoprene" and "Strange and Unusual Stories of New York City".

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Column: Twitter, crypto, Trump, Democrats, Taylor Swift, Ticketmaster: What have we learned?

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